lessons learned
"School is like life for kids.
When we get a demerit it's like an adult getting arrested.
If we get a detention, it's like an adult being sent to prison."
As overly dramatic as that quote is, I think I learned an important lesson from it.
These were E's words to me this afternoon. Early this morning, she was sure she was going to get a demerit for something she did at school yesterday. She was extremely upset and crying -- the sucking in the lower lip after each syllable hysterical crying. At some point during my attempt at reassurance that everything was going to be okay, I apparently said the words, "Not a big deal."
Well, it turns out that it was, in fact, not a big deal. She was not arrested--I mean she didn't get a demerit, and everything was okay. As we were talking about it after school, she said the afore quoted quote, when I again insinuated that it wasn't a big deal. As dramatic as her quote is, she made the point that, her feelings and fears were real to her--a big deal, and it bothered her when I said that. I said that I just wanted her to know that I thought everything was going to be okay, and she replied, "Then instead of saying 'no big deal' can you just say 'everything is going to be okay'?"
I was totally like, wow, you got me there. Yes, yes, in the future I am going to try to avoid the "no big deal" phrase, not just with my kids but with anyone expressing their fears or feelings to me. Sometimes it's just nice to hear that someone thinks everything is going to be okay.
This advice pales in comparison to the ultimate advice given to Laura and myself by both girls-- whether it's a job interview or a first date:
"Just be yourself...and remember to go to the bathroom."
When we get a demerit it's like an adult getting arrested.
If we get a detention, it's like an adult being sent to prison."
As overly dramatic as that quote is, I think I learned an important lesson from it.
These were E's words to me this afternoon. Early this morning, she was sure she was going to get a demerit for something she did at school yesterday. She was extremely upset and crying -- the sucking in the lower lip after each syllable hysterical crying. At some point during my attempt at reassurance that everything was going to be okay, I apparently said the words, "Not a big deal."
Well, it turns out that it was, in fact, not a big deal. She was not arrested--I mean she didn't get a demerit, and everything was okay. As we were talking about it after school, she said the afore quoted quote, when I again insinuated that it wasn't a big deal. As dramatic as her quote is, she made the point that, her feelings and fears were real to her--a big deal, and it bothered her when I said that. I said that I just wanted her to know that I thought everything was going to be okay, and she replied, "Then instead of saying 'no big deal' can you just say 'everything is going to be okay'?"
I was totally like, wow, you got me there. Yes, yes, in the future I am going to try to avoid the "no big deal" phrase, not just with my kids but with anyone expressing their fears or feelings to me. Sometimes it's just nice to hear that someone thinks everything is going to be okay.
This advice pales in comparison to the ultimate advice given to Laura and myself by both girls-- whether it's a job interview or a first date:
"Just be yourself...and remember to go to the bathroom."
posted by Kathleen Ryan at 12:34 AM
2 Comments:
It is strange how school life is their world. As much as these times and people will not matter a hill of beans to her in only a few short years, it is so important in the here and now. That was a good reminder for all of us, to put ourselves in the other person's place, look at things through their eyes. And it's so true, there is nothing like having someone you love and trust tell you that "everything is going to be ok". Believe me, I know. Hearing those words can be a tremendous comfort at times of despair and saddness. Thanks for sharing. And by the way, I've been following the girl's wise advise lately, and it's been working just fine!
Due to popular demand (okay, just Kar) I will tell my dear readers about the "crime." It involved defacing school property. The offenders who were arrested made giant holes in thier desks with scissors and then blamed it on CCD (ah the ever convienient scapegoat of parochial schools) E, on the other hand, made a minor slice in her desk MONTHS ago. However, when the class was asked by her teacher- who had just flipped out on the offenders- if anyone else was guilty, E did not raise her hand. This led to the poor kid becoming consumed by guilt, guilt, guilt (see parochial school again). We fessed up the next morning and her teacher thanked her for her honesty and assured her that her scrape was in no way as severe as the apparent gouges made by the other kids, and no "arrest" would be made. And there you have it.
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