wake me up when october ends... or, "today she chooses to whine"

It's October. I have always disliked the month of October. It depresses me. It gets cold, and everything dies. Sure, the colors are beautiful sometimes, but I cannot look at them without thinking that it just means, they're on their way out - the last hurrah before their brown, wet, gray, inevitable end. "Nothing gold can stay" right? I can't explain it, but for as long as I can remember October has just given me a sick feeling, like everything is about to go wrong. I would just rather blink and go from green leafy trees to seeing snow covered bare branches. Snowy branches make me happy and hopeful for some reason-I wish I could explain why. So, how do I skip Fall?

On an unrelated topic, I miss my job. On the blog of one of my former co-workers (where I lurk because, even though everyone was very nice to me, I feel like I was too much of a dorky mom outsider to keep in touch with the 'cool' kids) she expresses how, she too, misses the place and that it kinda hurts that they kept some people around, but not her. She was an amazing writer, but she's doubting herself and wondering if she did something wrong. To quote her: "I feel like the kid who wasn't asked to play and I want to play more than anything." Plus, one of the writers who was kept on has a blog devoted to the job, so I get to lurk there and see pictures of the place and people and be all wistful and jealous. I'm such a case. It was just such a cool place to work, with all these amazingly talented and funny people, and it was my first experience outside of a classroom. I call it my first "big girl job" because teaching was just sort of second nature, plus I taught in the place where I felt so comfortable. SMC was more like a home and family as opposed to a job.

I know all the "other side of the coin" stuff- I had a great experience, I need to focus more on the house and the kids, I was part of a really cool project that turned out awesome, my resume looks good and well-rounded, door shuts/window opens, all that stuff. But it's October today, and I choose to wallow for a little bit.

*wallow*

There